Letter - Shift the Script


Dear all,
I don't own the truth. I though I owned it for a long time while living in an isolated community and mind. I am still surrounded by this mentality but I don't belong to them anymore. I cannot judge anyone as I was closed minded before. I believe in humanity. I believe in equality. I believe in no borders. What i found in religions, regardless of what they all say, that they divide us. Most of the conflicts happening now are caused by religions. I will not name specific one as they are all guilty in my eyes. I still care about my family and that is why I cannot reveal my current beliefs now. I prefer to hold the pain in my chest and feel it every single day instead of causing pain to my family. Sometimes I think if they all no longer in this life, I would announce it to the world but not having my family is still pain. They know that I have changed but they never think that I am not religious anymore. I am not a suicidal but sometimes I believe that death is the only way of knowing the truth. But I will wait for my time patiently. I love the idea that you read my letter. You do not know how bad and lonely I feel when I am forced to show different beliefs and deal with people who I do not believe and reject in their ideas.
To my family, I know that you will not see this letter as you do not usually visit this type of websites. But I just want to say that my only reason for my suffering is to make your happy.

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Dear world,

I wish I could come out to you as an ex muslim. Announce it like it was my wedding and have you celebrate it like it was pride in a western world. But sadly, I cannot. Not yet. I have too many eyes on me and too many expectations holding me down as the good girl.

I so wish to not constantly think about my identity and how I could wear it without getting shunned for it. Thankfully, I live in a safer space where people may not kill me for my non religiosity but my parents, they're going to be so broken if they ever get to know.

But I can't help myself. I cant live a lie even if it means that it would keep the peace within family but I'm far too broken and hurt and I need to find my peace.

I wish I could scream my identity out and I will someday. But until then, I'll just keep whispering here and telling you, I'm an ex Muslim and I'm so glad I left my religion. You should celebrate with me.
Dear Mother,
I don’t know if you’ll ever see this letter. I know you said you never wanted to speak to me again. I hope that isn’t true. I want you to know I miss you, I love you, and I’m ok. I don't know if you know I had some death threats when I left Islam, and for a year or so I genuinely lived in fear. I am at peace now, with myself and with the world. Every day I think about you. If you get a chance, I’d love to hear your voice sometime. Maybe next eid al-fitr?

All the love I know how to offer,

#dearmother #atheist
Dear Mom and Dad,

I live in fear of your discovering that I no longer believe what you taught me. I still perform all my duties, I offer the Fajr every morning faithfully, but only as a way to keep you from suspecting. I wish I had the courage to tell you the truth. And maybe one day I will. But what will you say then? Will you still love me? Or will you cast me out? I can't bear the thought of that. But I also can't bear the lie I am living. Whatever happens know that I love you. #inthecloset

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