Letter - Shift the Script


Dear all,
I don't own the truth. I though I owned it for a long time while living in an isolated community and mind. I am still surrounded by this mentality but I don't belong to them anymore. I cannot judge anyone as I was closed minded before. I believe in humanity. I believe in equality. I believe in no borders. What i found in religions, regardless of what they all say, that they divide us. Most of the conflicts happening now are caused by religions. I will not name specific one as they are all guilty in my eyes. I still care about my family and that is why I cannot reveal my current beliefs now. I prefer to hold the pain in my chest and feel it every single day instead of causing pain to my family. Sometimes I think if they all no longer in this life, I would announce it to the world but not having my family is still pain. They know that I have changed but they never think that I am not religious anymore. I am not a suicidal but sometimes I believe that death is the only way of knowing the truth. But I will wait for my time patiently. I love the idea that you read my letter. You do not know how bad and lonely I feel when I am forced to show different beliefs and deal with people who I do not believe and reject in their ideas.
To my family, I know that you will not see this letter as you do not usually visit this type of websites. But I just want to say that my only reason for my suffering is to make your happy.

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Dear world,

I wish I could come out to you as an ex muslim. Announce it like it was my wedding and have you celebrate it like it was pride in a western world. But sadly, I cannot. Not yet. I have too many eyes on me and too many expectations holding me down as the good girl.

I so wish to not constantly think about my identity and how I could wear it without getting shunned for it. Thankfully, I live in a safer space where people may not kill me for my non religiosity but my parents, they're going to be so broken if they ever get to know.

But I can't help myself. I cant live a lie even if it means that it would keep the peace within family but I'm far too broken and hurt and I need to find my peace.

I wish I could scream my identity out and I will someday. But until then, I'll just keep whispering here and telling you, I'm an ex Muslim and I'm so glad I left my religion. You should celebrate with me.
Dear Mother,
I don’t know if you’ll ever see this letter. I know you said you never wanted to speak to me again. I hope that isn’t true. I want you to know I miss you, I love you, and I’m ok. I don't know if you know I had some death threats when I left Islam, and for a year or so I genuinely lived in fear. I am at peace now, with myself and with the world. Every day I think about you. If you get a chance, I’d love to hear your voice sometime. Maybe next eid al-fitr?

All the love I know how to offer,

#dearmother #atheist
Dear Mohammed (For your safety, I will not use your real name),

I must be honest with you. When you rejected the faith of your father and my fathers and their fathers before them, it caused me great hurt. The hurt was real and it was deep and at the time, I thought it was an unforgivable hurt, which is why I sent you away, why I stopped speaking to you. But now I wish I had not done so. It has taken me many years to be able to admit this myself. And i'm not sure I am ready to admit it to you yet, which is why for now I am writing it here. Hopefully soon I will find us face to face and I will have the chance to tell you I am sorry. And that you may no longer be a muslim but you will always be my son.


#dearson #muslim #imsorry
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