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Letter


My son,

I have wanted to send you this letter every day. But I fear the consequences if anyone at home found out. I want to be cast out myself no more than I ever wanted to cast you out. I want you to know that even though they call you murtadd, I do not think of you as a murtadd. I think of you as my son, whom I love and whom I miss dearly.

Your father

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Dear world,

I wish I could come out to you as an ex muslim. Announce it like it was my wedding and have you celebrate it like it was pride in a western world. But sadly, I cannot. Not yet. I have too many eyes on me and too many expectations holding me down as the good girl.

I so wish to not constantly think about my identity and how I could wear it without getting shunned for it. Thankfully, I live in a safer space where people may not kill me for my non religiosity but my parents, they're going to be so broken if they ever get to know.

But I can't help myself. I cant live a lie even if it means that it would keep the peace within family but I'm far too broken and hurt and I need to find my peace.

I wish I could scream my identity out and I will someday. But until then, I'll just keep whispering here and telling you, I'm an ex Muslim and I'm so glad I left my religion. You should celebrate with me.
I love a girl more than anything else in the world, and I think she initially had feelings for me, but a Muslim women can't marry a non-Muslim, and I'm left heartbroken. It's not fair that Muslim men can marry a Christian women. While I understand the rationale I don't think it is the right thing. And I still love her.
Dear Sister

I miss you. I know my leaving the faith hurt you, but I want you to know I never meant that. I wish I had not been so argumentative. I wish I hadn’t tried to convince you that the earliest ahadith embraced flat earthism. I respect your beliefs and I wish more than anything that we could just talk again, I’d give anything for that. If you ever see this letter, know I’m open for a coffee anytime. Just call. #dearsister #agnostic

Love,

Sister
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