Letter | Shift The Script

Letter


Dear Mother,
I don’t know if you’ll ever see this letter. I know you said you never wanted to speak to me again. I hope that isn’t true. I want you to know I miss you, I love you, and I’m ok. I don't know if you know I had some death threats when I left Islam, and for a year or so I genuinely lived in fear. I am at peace now, with myself and with the world. Every day I think about you. If you get a chance, I’d love to hear your voice sometime. Maybe next eid al-fitr?

All the love I know how to offer,
K

#dearmother #atheist

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I have been trying to find a way to contact you since you left. You have made yourself hard to find, and after what happened with your father, I understand why. If I could see you I would, I don't care anymore what the consequences would be. Family is family and you are family, forever. I pray for you five times a day, I beg Allah you are safe, that you are well, that you are happy and that you are not living in fear. One day we will meet again, I promise. I promise.

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Dear Daughter,

I know that you have struggled since we moved to this country; to remain faithful and strong to the choices you made to wear hijab. I know it has been nothing short of difficult to stand out so boldly in junior high and high school among the bare headed and bodied girls around you, especially during a time in your life when desperately you wanted to fit in. I have struggled, too. I watched as you cried every night because no one wanted to be friends with "a freak," and how you debated in your head whether or not you would continue to wear it, continue to be a Muslima.

My fear has always been that you would give up on Islam and all that you believe. I am so proud that you decided to search within your deen for the answers to your questions, rather than turning to outside sources who may not understand Islam and therefore judge it and us from a place of ignorance. Thank you, daughter, for showing me such courage and strength in facing your daily jihad (struggle) and embracing your beliefs. And thank you for trusting me with your doubts and talking with me throughout. I do not know that I could have been as brave as you were. But I am so grateful that you were. Because I saw the difficulty of your life as an American-raised Muslima and all the challenges that come with it. And I appreciate your daily jihad and you for sharing it with me and allowing me to advocate for you when your baba did not understand your doubts.

There is always hope. I will always love you.
Mama
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