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Letter


I am Muslim. I saw the billboard many days now and have been too afraid to look at the website until now. I have read the letters here and I am moved. I do not know what else to say except that I will go and tell my children that though I pray they stay faithful inshallah, that only they have decision over their own minds and I will love them no matter what path they take.

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Dear world,

I wish I could come out to you as an ex muslim. Announce it like it was my wedding and have you celebrate it like it was pride in a western world. But sadly, I cannot. Not yet. I have too many eyes on me and too many expectations holding me down as the good girl.

I so wish to not constantly think about my identity and how I could wear it without getting shunned for it. Thankfully, I live in a safer space where people may not kill me for my non religiosity but my parents, they're going to be so broken if they ever get to know.

But I can't help myself. I cant live a lie even if it means that it would keep the peace within family but I'm far too broken and hurt and I need to find my peace.

I wish I could scream my identity out and I will someday. But until then, I'll just keep whispering here and telling you, I'm an ex Muslim and I'm so glad I left my religion. You should celebrate with me.
Dear mom and dad, you'll never read this which is I why I writing this down, so I longer believe in the god you taught me to believe in, there are lots of reasons for that, I just want you to accept me as I'm, nothing changed about me except my faith. I just want you to love me like you did during all those years.
I love you daughter,

I have been trying to find a way to contact you since you left. You have made yourself hard to find, and after what happened with your father, I understand why. If I could see you I would, I don't care anymore what the consequences would be. Family is family and you are family, forever. I pray for you five times a day, I beg Allah you are safe, that you are well, that you are happy and that you are not living in fear. One day we will meet again, I promise. I promise.

NK
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