Letters To and From Ex-Muslims | Leaving Islam Support - Shift The Script

Letters

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Dear Mother,
I don’t know if you’ll ever see this letter. I know you said you never wanted to speak to me again. I hope that isn’t true. I want you to know I miss you, I love you, and I’m ok. I don't know if you know I had some death threats when I left Islam, and for a year or so I genuinely lived in fear. I am at peace now, with myself and with the world. Every day I think about you. If you get a chance, I’d love to hear your voice sometime. Maybe next eid al-fitr?

All the love I know how to offer,
K

#dearmother #atheist
Dear world,

I wish I could come out to you as an ex muslim. Announce it like it was my wedding and have you celebrate it like it was pride in a western world. But sadly, I cannot. Not yet. I have too many eyes on me and too many expectations holding me down as the good girl.

I so wish to not constantly think about my identity and how I could wear it without getting shunned for it. Thankfully, I live in a safer space where people may not kill me for my non religiosity but my parents, they're going to be so broken if they ever get to know.

But I can't help myself. I cant live a lie even if it means that it would keep the peace within family but I'm far too broken and hurt and I need to find my peace.

I wish I could scream my identity out and I will someday. But until then, I'll just keep whispering here and telling you, I'm an ex Muslim and I'm so glad I left my religion. You should celebrate with me.
Dear Mom and Dad,

I live in fear of your discovering that I no longer believe what you taught me. I still perform all my duties, I offer the Fajr every morning faithfully, but only as a way to keep you from suspecting. I wish I had the courage to tell you the truth. And maybe one day I will. But what will you say then? Will you still love me? Or will you cast me out? I can't bear the thought of that. But I also can't bear the lie I am living. Whatever happens know that I love you. #inthecloset

Anonymous
Dear Sister

I miss you. I know my leaving the faith hurt you, but I want you to know I never meant that. I wish I had not been so argumentative. I wish I hadn’t tried to convince you that the earliest ahadith embraced flat earthism. I respect your beliefs and I wish more than anything that we could just talk again, I’d give anything for that. If you ever see this letter, know I’m open for a coffee anytime. Just call. #dearsister #agnostic

Love,

Sister
Dear all,
I don't own the truth. I though I owned it for a long time while living in an isolated community and mind. I am still surrounded by this mentality but I don't belong to them anymore. I cannot judge anyone as I was closed minded before. I believe in humanity. I believe in equality. I believe in no borders. What i found in religions, regardless of what they all say, that they divide us. Most of the conflicts happening now are caused by religions. I will not name specific one as they are all guilty in my eyes. I still care about my family and that is why I cannot reveal my current beliefs now. I prefer to hold the pain in my chest and feel it every single day instead of causing pain to my family. Sometimes I think if they all no longer in this life, I would announce it to the world but not having my family is still pain. They know that I have changed but they never think that I am not religious anymore. I am not a suicidal but sometimes I believe that death is the only way of knowing the truth. But I will wait for my time patiently. I love the idea that you read my letter. You do not know how bad and lonely I feel when I am forced to show different beliefs and deal with people who I do not believe and reject in their ideas.
To my family, I know that you will not see this letter as you do not usually visit this type of websites. But I just want to say that my only reason for my suffering is to make your happy.
Dear mom and dad, you'll never read this which is I why I writing this down, so I longer believe in the god you taught me to believe in, there are lots of reasons for that, I just want you to accept me as I'm, nothing changed about me except my faith. I just want you to love me like you did during all those years.
I love a girl more than anything else in the world, and I think she initially had feelings for me, but a Muslim women can't marry a non-Muslim, and I'm left heartbroken. It's not fair that Muslim men can marry a Christian women. While I understand the rationale I don't think it is the right thing. And I still love her.
I am Muslim. I saw the billboard many days now and have been too afraid to look at the website until now. I have read the letters here and I am moved. I do not know what else to say except that I will go and tell my children that though I pray they stay faithful inshallah, that only they have decision over their own minds and I will love them no matter what path they take.
My son,

I have wanted to send you this letter every day. But I fear the consequences if anyone at home found out. I want to be cast out myself no more than I ever wanted to cast you out. I want you to know that even though they call you murtadd, I do not think of you as a murtadd. I think of you as my son, whom I love and whom I miss dearly.

Your father
Dear Mohammed (For your safety, I will not use your real name),

I must be honest with you. When you rejected the faith of your father and my fathers and their fathers before them, it caused me great hurt. The hurt was real and it was deep and at the time, I thought it was an unforgivable hurt, which is why I sent you away, why I stopped speaking to you. But now I wish I had not done so. It has taken me many years to be able to admit this myself. And i'm not sure I am ready to admit it to you yet, which is why for now I am writing it here. Hopefully soon I will find us face to face and I will have the chance to tell you I am sorry. And that you may no longer be a muslim but you will always be my son.

Father

#dearson #muslim #imsorry
I love you daughter,

I have been trying to find a way to contact you since you left. You have made yourself hard to find, and after what happened with your father, I understand why. If I could see you I would, I don't care anymore what the consequences would be. Family is family and you are family, forever. I pray for you five times a day, I beg Allah you are safe, that you are well, that you are happy and that you are not living in fear. One day we will meet again, I promise. I promise.

NK
To my beloved father,

When I look back on my life, all I can see is you following and supporting me all my life.
Whenever you took me to enjoy swimming in the Caspian Sea, you taught me to get connected to nature spiritually and to feel God’s presence everywhere. You taught me to fight for my life and believe and to never give up.

I remember your embarrassment when I questioned your belief. I remember the worry in your eyes when I talked about my doubts, my future and my ambitious plans for life. I remember your loneliness when you realized I am grown enough to pursue my dreams, and when you realized you cannot keep me near you to provide protection against all the odds in the world. And I remember you broke when I expressed my fear of death, because you knew you could not protect me from this. But even under these circumstances, what you taught guided me to the right direction. You didn’t have answers for all my questions, but you taught me to be fair, to be right, to forgive, to love, to be respectful, and to believe in God.

During my entire life, I was always searching for meaning in life. I craved for the truth and looked for something to soothe my thirsty soul. And I found all my answers in Christ. I found love, grace, and freedom in Jesus. To calm my deep-rooted fear in life, I found eternity in him.
This might hurt you or even embarrass our family that your little girl abandoned your religion and beliefs. You might feel shame and even betrayed, but I am sure you will forgive me if you know I am happy and free, and eternal. Your little girl isn’t afraid of anything in this world because she found a loving Lord that she can rely on and rest upon under any circumstances, even in her most frightening journey, death.

BB

#dearfather #christian
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